A Year in Review: First Year at Home

Just over a year and a half ago God set into motion a plan that he had been building a foundation for quite some time—in fact a lifetime.  I was the busy, career-minded, single mother to three very special children.  Then this man visited our church and sat down on an empty church pew, alone.  Six months later we were married! (You can read our story here: http://from-breadwinner-to-breadmaker.blogspot.com/2013/07/our-story-december-18th-2011.html) Just three months after that we were expecting our first baby together! A year in review and I don’t know if I have enough paper to write of all the blessings God has showered us with! But that won’t keep me from trying!

In June of 2012, just a few shorts months after our wedding, Paul and I felt called for me to become a stay at home mom.  This meant living off 1/3 of the income we were accustomed to and not knowing exactly how all the bills would be paid—but knowing that God was the author—he knew; and our job was to trust.  The day after I gave my resignation to my company I found out we were expecting our first baby together! My last day to work in a corporate setting was July 27, 2012.  The months ahead were so much rougher than I expected.  I anticipated jumping into my new job description and rocking it!  This wasn't the case and I struggled finding purpose, intention, and joy as a stay at home wife and mom.  Through many tears and prayers, God began moving me into a place of strength under my new role and I am so excited to say that the last six months of have been a time of beautiful spiritual and personal growth for me and our family. You can read this blog from the end of October about my unexpected struggles staying home: http://from-breadwinner-to-breadmaker.blogspot.com/2012/10/realitythe-transition-is-so-much-harder.html)

The first major miracle God has provided to us is that we haven’t starved!  God always provides.  Yes, there are times when it might look a little bleak; and scary is probably an understatement.  But God always provides!  The basic physical needs of our family are always met through his endless mercies! Yes, living off a little is hard and requires sacrifice—but the rewards are indescribable! God has used this to help Paul and I grow in our faith and become better stewards.  I can make a meal out of next to nothing—that’s God!

The next major miracle God put before us was Paul’s cochlear implant replacement! You can follow this link to read more about that. http://from-breadwinner-to-breadmaker.blogspot.com/2013/07/cochlear-implant-miracle.html But it is nothing short of a 21^st century miracle! And I’m so excited to report that the surgery was a success and to have a husband that can now hear my whisper (compared to before when we communicated using: lip reading, hand gestures, close range, loud voice talking) is indeed a beautiful thing!

An area of significant growth for our family has been the decision to “bring our children home”.  God called us to home school our children and has used this calling to guide us, grow us, and strengthen us!  I can’t say enough positive things about homeschooling and what it has done for our family.  It is truly something you could never possible imagine all of the benefits of unless you have seen them first hand.  My mom visited just before we brought the kids home and 6 months later she returned for another extended visit.  She repeatedly said, “I can’t believe the difference in your family and home dynamic.  It is such a positive place to be.”  The proofs in the pudding, folks! This isn’t the blog post for me to climb on my platform for homeschooling (that will come) but as parents, Paul and I are incredibly passionate about this and beyond grateful for God’s blessing to provide this for our children.

The most recent miracle is the birth of our newest son, Asa.  He is 4-1/2 months of perfection!  We had a very healthy pregnancy and a beautiful home birth that embodied the love Paul and I have for each other.  It will forever be one of the most beautiful experiences of my lifetime: bringing forth a son while being wrapped in the arms of the man that holds my heart.   Here's our birth story: http://from-breadwinner-to-breadmaker.blogspot.com/2013/03/it-was-one-of-those-march-days-when-sun.html

This certainly doesn't cover it all, but it catches some of the bigger butterflies! It has been the greatest year of my life!  I know it sounds trite, but I am married to my best friend, every day is better than the day before, and I am fulfilling my lifelong dream of being a wife, mom, and teacher and our family is united in love and purpose!  

Thank you, Father, for your faithfulness!

Our Story - December 18th, 2011

I gathered the kids quickly, locked the dead bolt on the back door, hustled everyone out the front door, and then reached into my purse to make sure I had my keys before I locked the front door.  As I hurriedly jumped in my front seat, I reached in my purse for those keys I had just felt, and when I found them I realized they were my spare keys to my truck—not the keys to my house.   My heart sank as I began digging in my mess of a purse for my cell--then I realized I didn't have that either.  It was surely with wherever my keys were.  My day went from bad to worse just like that.  I only had one set of house keys and of course no spare hidden in a safe place.

All day I had been wrestling with God.  I was a single mom of three: 10, 7, and 4. I had recently moved and was struggling with mice—of all things, I do not do mice!  My truck was in need of some major repair and barely creeping along, Christmas was only one week away and it was going to be our first Christmas alone.  Only months before had I clearly felt the presence of God releasing me from a broken marriage wrought with abuse and infidelity.  Why, if he had told me we would be okay alone, were we struggling?  This was my argument with God all day on December 18^th, 2011. 

I tried the credit card trick because I had been quite successful at this in the past but to no avail.  I really really did not know what to do next.  As I sat in the driveway in my truck contemplating what to do next I argued more with God.  We were on our way to church for a fellowship evening.  There was maybe an hour left of daylight.  Who was most capable and available to help me break in?  Our vocational pastor was a full time police officer—surely he’d be skilled at break ins—but he also was not very available.  As I thumbed through different men from church I couldn't come up with anyone that I just knew was the right person for the job.  However, there was a man that had recently begun attending our church.  I knew he was available because I was supposed to be his ride to church that evening.  I was reluctant to ask him but I was feeling a little out of options and hope. 

The first time I met Paul at church was November 6^th when I ran into him in the hall, right by the bathrooms, and asked, “What are you doing?”  (I’m not known for my suave)  I was acquainted with Paul from a few years back—work related.  I had also adopted his dog, Dixie, about 6 months prior.  My acquaintanceship with Paul started and ended there.  We come from a very small, rural community—everyone knows everyone—somehow.  Nonetheless, I was excited to see him.  I was always excited to see guests at church.  Our church was recently going through some growth and I was so excited to see it.  That Sunday morning my family and I sat down in our usual pew to get settled.  I noticed Paul was sitting on a pew that was usually empty; he was also alone.  I waited a bit to see if anyone was going to join him.  When I realized he was it and sitting on a lonely pew bench I gathered my bunch and we moved pews!  I purposely sat several seats away from him and placed a few children between us.  I was very modest and concerned about perception.  This went on for a few weeks until I found out he was walking to church.  The weather was turning and not always suitable for walking.  The first time I offered to give him a ride to church, he refused.  The next time—I didn't give him an option.  I think it may have been a Sunday morning and I noticed the weather wasn’t very nice, I sent him a face book inbox that said, I would be there at 9.  He later on told me, he wasn’t even planning on going that Sunday.  I love how God works.  Paul was attending church regularly, but I noticed he was very quiet and maybe a little shy.  Paul was hearing impaired and I worried that he wasn’t comfortable or even worse, people weren’t comfortable with him.  My nature is very much a “make everyone comfortable” one—so I began inviting and almost insisting he participate in the several fellowships we were having that holiday season.  The first was a Thanksgiving Dinner, where I made him eat this delicious cracker dip and he nearly vomited it back up on me (that’s when I learned of his meat and potato, country boy palette), the next was a Christmas fellowship (I didn't force feed him anything this time--for fear of a repeat of the previous dinner), and last that season was the December 18^th video night. 

When I arrived to Paul’s house to pick him up for the fellowship I was consumed with fret.  Mostly for prideful reasons—I wasn’t the kind of person that locked her keys AND cell phone in her house, and let’s say I did, I could usually get myself out of predicaments like this.  Asking for help was not in my comfort zone.  As I examined my options and realized there was only an hour of daylight left, I swallowed my pride and asked him if he could help me.  Even though Paul was kind of hard to read and he rarely showed much exaggerated emotion—he was very kind and always so gentleman like.  I wasn’t surprised when he eagerly accepted my plea for help. 

I decided to leave my kiddos at church so at least they could enjoy the evening—I had successfully ruined mine and Paul’s the way I saw it.  Paul worked feverishly to break in.  Even he couldn’t get the credit card trick to work (made me feel a little better and a little less sucky).  Paul was working up a sweat and I was racking up the guilt.  However, the whole time he was attempting a break in and running into obstacles, he remained incredibly level headed.  Not once did I see him react out of impatience of frustration—I honestly did not know how to respond to that.  The previous men of my life would have had several choice words by now and expressed exasperation at the situation.  I think Paul’s lack of curse words and temper made me feel even guiltier about putting him in this situation.  I convinced myself I had ruined his evening.  Out of desperation Paul decided he would have to drill a hole in my window in order to push the lock open.  I think he could see the look of fear in my face when he said that—so he said, “Let me check the windows one more time.”  Even though we both knew that he had checked all the windows multiple times and I had warned him I was a bit OCD about making sure that they were locked at all times.  The sun had gone down and I was chilly, so I sat in the truck, and I couldn’t help but let the tears fall.  I sat in my front seat crying uncontrollably when all of a sudden I noticed Paul standing in my open front door waving and wearing a huge smile that boasted, “I DID IT!” I was a little shocked.  As I got out of the car I tried to remove all evidence that I had been crying and I joined him.  I listened to him excitedly recount how he was able to get a window, which he knew was locked, open, as he escorted me to the kitchen window as to show off the miracle.  Once in the kitchen I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore.   I lost it—and guess what—if I wasn’t the person to lock her keys and cell in her house, I wasn’t the person to cry in front of people—especially strange men!  Paul looked a little uncomfortable about this crazy woman crying uncontrollably, but he reached out and put his hand around my shoulder—I cried even harder.  I can’t even tell you why I was crying.  Maybe because my day had been rough on me, I felt a little broken that day.  I was also beyond grateful for Paul.  Not only had he saved my evening, he did it with a merry heart—for that I was indebted and impressed.

There weren’t a whole lot of words after that.  I took Paul home, stopped for the kids, and then settled in for the night.  Later that evening, after I had tucked all the kids in bed and had a few moments to regroup, I text Paul to say an extra thank you and I will never forget what he text back: It was kind of nice to be needed for once.  That was it—I don’t think either of us slept that night—we stayed up until the wee hours texting about everything you could imagine.  And that’s that—the story of when we first saw each other's hearts!

Cochlear Implant Miracle

Written: October 10, 2012


Paul and I have been saying since day one that we are going to write our story. Well, since I’m sitting in a very quiet hospital room with not much to do (no children need tending, no house work beckoning me, and a husband that only needs my presence right now) I figured I’d give it a start. 

Rather than back tracking and beginning the story from the beginning, I’ll start with the “hear” and now or the relevance of the here and now. Paul was a hearing person until 2002 when a severe inner ear infection prompted an auto immune disorder to attack his cochlear nerves and destroy his hearing. The damage left nearly no natural hearing in his right ear and about 25% in his left. He received a cochlear implant in the right ear in 2003, and combined with a hearing aid on his left to amplify his remaining natural hearing, he functioned at a rather moderate hearing level. 

Unfortunately the implant unexpectedly failed in 2009—leaving only his left ear for hearing, which fluctuates from bad to really bad, regularly. An over the phone diagnostic test, at the time, seemed to rule out all explanations except that of internal device failure. 

In December of 2011 the unfortunate event of me locking myself out of my house led to a beautiful wedding less than four months later to none other than THE Mr. Paul Mattes. Paul’s hearing impairment was never even an issue; in fact it was almost like it didn’t exist—we just naturally overcame any communication struggles that you would expect. But, something never did sit right with me that his implant had suddenly failed years ago and only a satellite diagnostic test was performed to determine the cause. Since I didn’t want Paul to feel like his hearing was troublesome to me, I never pushed it; by that I mean I never brought it up—although it never seemed to leave me peacefully alone. Months after the wedding I still felt God calling me to address it. So I did what every good, Southern, bossy wife would do—I made him an appointment with the leading specialist 4 hours away and told him to go! This is what I knew: I knew that we served a living God that still performs miracles. I prayed for a miracle and prepared for the worse.

The visit confirmed that the internal device had failed. I was pretty heartbroken, but I also knew that God’s will is perfect. Then true to God’s character he did more than I ever imagined. It was determined that we were within months of a warranty period which would cover an upgraded replacement device, the surgery, and all expenses associated with the procedure. MONTHS!!! MONTHS!!! Every time I think about it, I get teary. God never ceases to surprise us and pour his grace on us. That’s just how much he loves us folks!

My plea for you today is to listen—seek and listen to Him—then obey. Our creator loves us boundlessly! I hope that this short excerpt from our story brings you hope, a smile, and shines Glory on our Maker.