Eye on the Prize

I was supposed to run the Williams Route 66 Half Marathon today.  I didn’t though.  At some point, way back when it was totally unrealistic for me to think of it, I made some sort of goal and commitment to myself to run a half marathon before 2015 was over, then my son died, and that goal has been one of the few reasons I got out of bed.  I’ve trained for months, hundreds of miles.  I set my eye on this and made it a prize. 

Turns out, less than 36 hours before the race, I caught the nasty intestinal virus that has attacked what seems like every home in the county.  From a shameful distance, I watched several close friends and their families get taken down for a week at a time and I prayed, “Please, God, do not let me catch this bug before my race, I beg, please!”

Friday started out like any other day, but by that afternoon I knew something was wrong.  And by 6 pm, I was forcefully succumbed.  I remember thinking, as I wretched, feeling like my ribs were going to break, that I would rather be in labor.  That lasted on into the wee hours of Saturday morning.

Paul watched me agonize all day Saturday over the decision to attempt to race or not.  He watched me desperately try to will myself well only to fall back on the couch feeling miserable again.  He knows better than to try and reason with me.

Since the race was several hours out of town, I really had to make the call by early afternoon; otherwise we wouldn’t make it in time to pick up my race packet.  When the deadline hour came, I surrendered.  I would not race.

I knew that I could.  I could race.  I could cross the finish line; even if I had to walk it, even if it was so ugly…I could.  I come by that dogma from a father that served as a career Marine Master Sergeant.  But, I didn’t have peace about that.  My pride and flesh wanted to, so bad.  But there were risks.  I could be sidelined for days or even weeks from pushing myself to run 13 miles in below freezing temps while my body was fighting a virus.  And I just didn’t want to take that risk.  I need those steady, daily endorphins.

 

On a daily basis my emotions swing hard and heavy and most days the one thing that grounds me is fitness; the 5 am spin classes, a quick 3 mile run, a long two hour run…it brings me back to center.  Fitness steadies the boat being tossed by violent waves of the deepest pain.  And the risk of not being able to tap into that, because of my pride, just was not worth it to me.    It was one of the hardest judgment calls I’ve made.

 
I’ve heard and I’ve quoted (but of late have struggled to comprehend) that God can turn the ugly, the difficult, the challenging into good.   Today as I watched (on social media) my friends and peers excitedly line up and run the race, I wanted to be a little disappointed and maybe a little jealous, but God revealed the blessings he heaped upon me instead.

I spent Saturday in bed an on the couch.  Paul waited on me hand and foot; ice chips, jello, tea, chicken noodle soup and crackers, warm blankets, a toasty fire, the whole enchilada.  He corralled the toddler and sat close to me while I watched disgraceful amounts of Netflix.  And just as I was thinking it was a terrible time to catch the stomach bug I was also thinking that being nurtured by my husband could not have come at a better time; because if I were being honest, I spent the previous week being very hard to love.  Marriage is hard as it is and losing your baby adds its own unique set of challenges to that.  While I was most vulnerable, my husband ministered to me, even though I did not deserve such tender graces.  Humbling.

Since we originally were going to be out of town over night, the older children had arrangements to sleep over at Granny’s.  So we woke up Sunday morning with fewer children and no agenda.  That might not sound like a big deal but it is.  We are the kind of family that wakes up dressed.  Divide and conquer is how we manage life and being busy is how we cope.  Sundays are also particularly hard for us since Asa died. 

This Sunday, when I was supposed to be running the race I had worked so hard for, Paul and I ended up sitting in our pajamas, holding each other, watching home videos of our beloved son, and crying.  And when we were exhausted from crying, we turned on old hymns and cried some more.

 

As I thanked God for the sweet release I realized yet another blessing.   I ran the Fayetteville half two weeks ago.  On a whim, I signed up, showed up, and ran it without a single butterfly.  I did well and, best of all, I ran a half in 2015!

Furthermore, since I was preparing for the run today, I spent the last two weeks taking it a little easier than usual.  Typically, I wouldn’t be able to do that without beating myself up emotionally for it.  Honestly, I think my body needed a bit of a break.  Going at it hard for a while now and I think the rest was good for me—especially the mental break. 

So today I was supposed to run the Route 66 half marathon, but I didn’t.  And I’m glad.  

Jar Salads

Finally getting around to putting this together!

I am absolutely certain that someone has done this a lot better than me and it's available to you all...but, I'm doing it anyway.

I have a few mottoes in my health journey and "Progress not Perfection" is one of them.  It's so easy to be very, very overwhelmed by exercise programs, food choices, eating "styles", etc.  Personally, if I'm overwhelmed, I just sit down in the floor and throw a toddler tantrum.  I have to start small, easy, one step at a time...

I started doing jar salads because I knew I liked to eat salad, but disliked preparing a good salad.  Preparing a good salad is time consuming!  I know my personality and my lifestyle--if it takes a lot of time to prepare something healthy to eat, I will go for the easy, fast, less healthy option almost every time.

To prevent the latter, I shop and prepare salads once a week, jar them up, and enjoy one daily.  It takes me about half an hour to prepare--doable.  I like to prepare them on Sunday afternoons because that's a convenient time for me.  As for the ingredients--well, whatever is locally available, on sale, already in my home, and works in my budget--that's what I use.  It looks a little different every week.

So, start with whatever produce you want, prefer, can afford, have on hand, etc.

This week that looks like diced roma tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower.  I actually prefer cherry tomatoes (because they are delicious and you don't have to dice them adding moisture to your jars.)  But if you can believe, our tiny grocery store out here in the middle of nowhere doesn't stock them.  You do what you have to.

You prepare jar salads "upside down".  Whatever you typically want on top of your salad, put in first.  Also, put in any items with a lot of moisture in very first.  In this week's salads, my diced tomatoes and diced cucumbers go in very first and are on the bottom.  My veggies usually take up about 60% of my jar.  It looks like there will be no room for greens.  When you top your jars with the greens (I prefer a mix between baby spinach and a romaine mix), you'll be surprised at how much room you still have in there.

I may have mentioned this, but I'm a fan in using whatever you have available, what works for your schedule, lifestyle, budget, etc.  In this case, uhm, leftover pickle jars do the job very well.

Once you've finished your jars, store them upright in your fridge. Mine have been known to stay fresh for up to a week.

And now on to the good stuff!

Personally, what makes a good salad for me is produce, protein, and pop! :)

Once a week I might grill up several chicken breast, dice them up, and store them in the fridge.  I add them at time of serving.  If I haven't managed to grill up some, I buy the pre-cooked stuff (gasp, I know).  Also, maybe some diced ham, or tuna (they have those seasoned tuna packs that are really good) Same for bacon.  I might bake a ton of bacon, crumble it up, and save until serving time, or I might have the pre-packaged stuff depending on my life that week.

I keep a basket or a shelf in the pantry (nice and handy)  full of toppings for my salad:  almonds, sunflower seeds, peanuts, cashews, walnuts, crasins, raisins, bacon, croutons, etc.  (I seriously have to have some crunch on my salad).

I also love avocado, mandarin oranges, strawberries, and other fruits on my salad but don't add them until serving time.

So, I pull out my beautiful, convenient, healthy jar of produce and dump in on a plate, top with some protein, sprinkle with something crunchy, add fruit...and dig in!

Sometimes a plate just doesn't hold it all so I have to dump it in my huge salad bowl! :)

This bowl is way bigger than the picture makes it look.

And every time, as soon as you sit down to eat, your little one will request a snack as well!
(don't know how to fix the rotation. Sorry)

Let me be real honest, while I enjoy the fresh greens, I'm really after the goodness at the bottom of the bowl.

All that crunchy, flavorful, pop!

And that's a wrap ya'll! I decided I would spare you the picture of the shamelessly licked clean bowl. Your welcome.

P.S. for dressings--use whatever you want.  Some cool people make their own.  I don't really have time or energy for all that.  I'm a fan of some Newman's Own, a good vinaigrette, plain ole olive oil with vinegar, etc.