I’ve been in the valley four years now…
I can remember at the beginning of my journey I thought it had an end.
And I thought, the sooner I was willing to start the journey, to do the work, to get dirty with my feelings--the sooner I would come to the end of my journey--healed.
You know, people say that to you, “I am praying for your healing.” I thought it was a thing.
So there I stood at the edge of the valley, pep talking myself to just take the first step, enter into the darkness, conquer it, and go home.
So I put on my pack full of the only tools I could think of: my bible, favorite pens, quality paper, all the grief books I had been gifted (this is also a thing), the best worship songs, and chapstick.
I started my descent. (Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Psalm 23:4)
Immediately it was colder and a little more harsh than I had expected. I pleaded for God’s protection and he was faithful to answer. (He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Psalm 91:4)
My journey continued and I realized, just because I was willing to do the work didn’t mean that the work was going to bend to my will.
Grief scoffed, “I don’t follow your rules” when I demanded it get on board or get out of my way.
Strong willed and stubborn, I refused to give grief it’s way. I was always looking for a way to sneak up on it and catch it unaware--and go home--The Victor.
Bloody knuckled, dirt stained nails, tear streaked cheeks, worn out, and weary--I surrendered.
And God handed me a flashlight. (Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. Psalm 119:105)
And bit by bit, God is revealing to me that there is beauty, even in the valley. There are things that can only be revealed in the valley--not on the mountain tops. My time here is worth every moment. (For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 2 Cor 4:17)
I’ve been in the valley for four years…
