From a novice: Some days suck and some days rock!

Sometimes I tell myself that I am somewhat disadvantaged that I began my stay at home journey in the middle of child raising—rather than from the get go.  It often seems that growing into this and alongside my children and family’s shifting needs might have made things a tad easier than jumping into this beautiful mess all at once.  Because even though this is my first year {home}, I always feel (and usually expect of myself) that I should have a better handle on this—especially when I consider that I’m a mother of four.  And, perhaps, adding all of these titles in less than 1-1/2 years is asking for a few gray hairs:  Wife (to a fabulous husband I might add), stay at home mom, new mom (5 months now), and homeschooling mom—uhm, wow, that’s FOUR new titles in a very brief time.  Okay, blog over, now I see why I have struggled!

Just kidding.  But, in all seriousness, I thought I would rock this job.  For the last year it has been a battle, a thorn in my side, that I felt as though this job was over my head—that I simply might not be cut out for it.  I cried out to Father, “Why is this not joyful?” I wallowed in the trenches.  I beat myself up for all of the incompetence I had.  I was broken.  

Ahhh, but see.  God has made me the kind of person that is an all or nothing kind of person.  I’m pretty passionate (if you didn’t know that already).  I don’t do anything half way.  I also prefer to only start a task that I can finish (this is why crafting is not my thing and laundry might pile up since I refuse to start it unless I KNOW I can finish it).  So at the end of my days I felt as if I had accomplished nothing—more notably nothing of any worth.  When it takes you All. Day. Long. to unload a dishwasher—there really was no pride in the finished job!

I also longed for a more even stride in our new life.  Some days would be so fantastic you couldn't make them up in the best book or movie, others so horrid you wouldn't dare let your closest friend see in your home or heart! The roller coaster made me batty, and again, further convinced me of my deep brokenness.

Through some guided wisdom of beautiful, Godly women, I realize that a nice even ride is not reality.  And some days are just downright hard! And other days are simply beautiful.  So my novice stay at home wife, mom, homeschooler epiphany is:  Some days suck and some days rock!

Rather than thinking I’m broken or simply just am not good at this role, I will cherish the days that rock.  I will hold them hostage in my heart and store their energy up for the days that will inevitably be SO MUCH HARDER.