Grief...where some days are hard and others are harder

Today is a hard day.

Really they are all so hard.  Just some days are harder than others.  But on the easier days, there is a slight reprieve from the pain.  The hard days feel like a constrictor is wrapped around you as tight as can be. When an easy day comes--the gripping is still there, but it has loosened up enough to get a few deeps breaths in.

But, after a day or two of reprieve, of the easi(er)--you almost feel guilty for the breaths and the hard is welcomed--the pain, the gripping..the heavy...the tears.

This morning, on my run, I felt the lies gripping me.  The evil one, hurling at me, "It's your fault.  You should have known better.  What were you thinking?  What kind of mother are you?"

At first, I wore it, I put on the heavy, I bore it willingly.  "Yes, yes, how could I have...Yes, yes, I should have...Yes, if only..."

Then, I began to pray that God would cover me in His truth.  That I would be cloaked and hidden in His Word.

God reminded me that His plan for Asa's life was created long before we ever met him. His plan is for an eternal glory.

"Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them" - Psalm 139:16

And, I will cling to this verse...

"Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS." - Phil 4:8