Asa's Celebration Service Speech

First, I want to say thank you.  Thank you for being here.  Thank you for sharing your time with us.  Thank you for bringing your families.  We are honored that you would sacrifice part of your day to come and be with us.  It truly means more than we could ever express. 

I am in awe and deeply humbled by the love, support, and encouragement of our wonderful community.  There are so many people that we want to thank.  The magnitude of your outpouring is immeasurable.  I believe God gives us all a purpose and special gifts to fulfill that purpose while we are traveling on this earth.  I want you to know that your words, deeds, meals, gifts, support, encouragement, prayers….none of it goes unnoticed. We feel it all in big ways.  And we are humbled.  This is just a glimpse of what heaven looks like.  A bit of Kingdom on Earth.  Thank you for loving us. Thank you for using your gifts.

This tragedy is the ugly, broken, painful part of life.  I want to encourage us to all be praying for one another.  This pain—we are all experiencing it.  I ask that you would please lift up, not just our family, our children…but our closest friends who have been intimately walking and carrying us through this.  Pray that they would be comforted.  I also want to ask us to lift up the first responders, emt’s, paramedics, and the hospital staff.  These people see more tragedy than we can imagine and God gave them the special gift of compassion.  If you are a member of public service community, first responder, emt, paramedic, hospital staff, etc, would you please stand (even if you weren’t directly involved in our tragedy).  Can we take a moment to minister to these people?  Thank you from the deepest places of our hearts for your dedication, your passion, your compassion.  Bless you for your burden.  Thank you

I’d like to share a bit of our Asa story.  We wanted Asa.  We prayed for Asa.  We desired Asa.  So bad, that Paul joked he would have to give me an allowance for pregnancy tests.  But pretty much from the first (of ten) positive tests, he was a challenge.  He was my most uncomfortable pregnancy and we waited 42 weeks for him….42 weeks is a LOOOONG time to wait for a baby! And when he got here,  being my 4^th child, I assumed myself a seasoned mom.  This was going to be a walk in the park, a piece of cake.   But I was so wrong.  His first 6 months, he held us hostage!  He hated the car seat.  No one went anywhere alone with Asa.  We went in teams.  Trips were as short as possible.  We learned the he loved the songs: The Ants Go Marching and 10,000 Reasons….We all sang them together…and sang them so much, we even sang them in our sleep.  And he sang them before his 1^st birthday.  We joked, but not really, that it took us ALL to raise Asa.  I was told by the wise women, the sages, that he would one day be our joy.  And I remember looking at them thinking, “Lady, I might not survive today!”  But they were right.  He did.  He became all of our joy.  You sitting here—is a testament to that.  He was brilliant, charismatic, alive, tenacious.  But he was also kind, loving, and gentle.  He challenged us to become better parents, better individuals—more patient, more generous, more gracious. 

Though my heart breaks, my world is shattered, the picture I once saw of my life in 5, 10 years, what the life of my children would look like, is broken…I am still thankful.  And I still praise him.  I can stand here today and tell you that as I look back, I can see that God was preparing us, me, for this moment for a very long time. 

 

God in his infinite wisdom and glory, gave us the tools and time to be with Asa.  Right before I found out I was pregnant, Paul timidly approached me about staying home.  I say timidly because he knew how hard it would be for me.  Frankly, I looked straight at him after he said it, looked blankly at him, turned and walked away.  It wasn’t until weeks later that the spirit softened me enough for us to start that dialogue.  I gave my notice at work and the very next day, found out we were pregnant.  I left work to come home, and we were going to live off of ¼ of our income.  On paper, it was impossible…but we trusted that God would provide.  And, he did.  In his infinite wisdom and glory, God slay my pride and independence, and gave me over two years as a stay at home mom for the first time, with Asa. 

 Paul and I can look back at our parenting of Asa and say we have no regrets.  There is no room to say, I wish I would have sang one more song, or played more,  or taken more videos, or more pictures, or lost my patience less. Asa was born into our arms in peace, slept in our arms every night, woke up in our arms every morning…we truly have the joy of not saying, “But, I wish…..we would have…” And I praise God for that.

I have the honor of calling 4 women friends, and those women are unique, because not only have they  said goodbye to a baby, they’ve said goodbye to their sons.  They know this pain.  They have walked this road.  And I am blessed they call me friend.  Just last week, before tragedy hit our family, I was with one of these strong-mama friends.  Wishing them off for a trip out of town.  As she was hustling about to get on the road with all her babies, she handed me a book.  It was a book that she has ministered to me from through her own grief journey of losing a son.  I would often ask her the name of it and tell myself to grab a copy—but of course—never had.  But last week, just days before my own grief began, she handed it to me with a hug and kiss.  I breathed it in deep and my cup overfilled. 

So you see, though he may slain us to bind us up again, I will praise him.  I will thank Him that he did not allow us to come to this place of pain and brokenness alone.  That he went before us and he left love notes for us to find our way. 

We will never understand, this side of eternity, the why of all this, but one day, when our eyes look upon the lord, the lamb that was slain, that is seated at the right hand of God, all our tears will be worth it and we will be singing, it is well with my soul. 

Asa's Slideshow

Grief...where some days are hard and others are harder

Today is a hard day.

Really they are all so hard.  Just some days are harder than others.  But on the easier days, there is a slight reprieve from the pain.  The hard days feel like a constrictor is wrapped around you as tight as can be. When an easy day comes--the gripping is still there, but it has loosened up enough to get a few deeps breaths in.

But, after a day or two of reprieve, of the easi(er)--you almost feel guilty for the breaths and the hard is welcomed--the pain, the gripping..the heavy...the tears.

This morning, on my run, I felt the lies gripping me.  The evil one, hurling at me, "It's your fault.  You should have known better.  What were you thinking?  What kind of mother are you?"

At first, I wore it, I put on the heavy, I bore it willingly.  "Yes, yes, how could I have...Yes, yes, I should have...Yes, if only..."

Then, I began to pray that God would cover me in His truth.  That I would be cloaked and hidden in His Word.

God reminded me that His plan for Asa's life was created long before we ever met him. His plan is for an eternal glory.

"Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them" - Psalm 139:16

And, I will cling to this verse...

"Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS." - Phil 4:8

Catching River - by Dad

I know what the world's idea of manliness is. 

This story may not fit the narrative 

Nevertheless it's my favorite story I've ever participated in.

It was a Friday morning.

My wife woke me and told me "we're having a baby today".

Thoughts rushed through my head, a rush of adrenaline hit me and my mission was to make everything as smooth for my wife as possible.

First, I needed a shower. 

That was done in relatively record time and then my wife needed her shower.

We both wanted to make sure we looked "ok" because there were going to be tons of pictures :-) 

And there are.

While Vivian was in the shower I realized the birth tub was cold!!! 

NOOOOOOOO!!! 

boiling water and many pots to get the tub to at least body temperature.

Since the birth tub was situated in our bathroom it was easy to bail buckets of water out and refill with hot water.

Crises somewhat averted.

Then all these wonderful women showed up at our house.

Taking care of the home and the already been born children.

It was spectacular.

I could then focus totally on what my wife needed.

The thing is that I kinda just go on stand by until things get going good.

I leave her be so she can concentrate on her body and what it's saying. 

I monitored the birth tub water temperature.

Walked around

Made a million trips up and down the stairs. 

I'd check on her and let her know that I noticed she was still pregnant.

I finally was band from saying that ever again.

I heeded :-)

In the old testament there is a phrase used that captures what I mean.

So if this was written in third person it would go like this 

"His wife told him he was no longer allowed to say you're still pregnant. And Paul hearkened unto his wife"

I try to keep our moods light without stepping over the line.

I think it's important to make my wife smile.

Especially when she's carrying such a burden as birthing our son.

So finally I see in my wife's face the thing I've been looking for all morning.  Her look of "ok it's getting intense.

She ushers herself to the water. 

I stay out side for a while.

Monitoring the temperature 

And monitoring how far along Vivian is.

I decide it's time for me to change into my swimming trunks.

I walk back into the bathroom and my lovely wife says "you should change and get ready"

I just looked at her beautiful eyes.

I got in.

My role now is coach.

Encouraging her

Telling her she's got this

Telling her we're going to see our son soon

Telling her to lean on me

Telling her to breathe

Telling her she's beautiful

It's all true and it all works

All at the same time our hearts bond even closer.  I feel her needs and I try to give her my strength.

It's the most intimate thing

I can tell she has started pushing

I can also tell things were not happening fast enough for her.

She told me she wanted out of the water and to go to the bed.

I reminded her that she probably didn't want that but I got out of the tub to help her to the bed anyway 

As I was standing there dripping wet she looks up and says "maybe not" as she goes into another push.

I get back in

After a few more attempts she decides she wants the birth stool.

Now this throws a big kink in what I pictured would be a water birth similar to the way it was with Asa.

I wasn't prepared for catching a baby on dry land.

I had to shake myself and regain my focus. I had to remind myself that this is her moment.

This is where she shines through. 

So,  after she is positioned on the birth stool.  I position myself like I'm a catcher at a major league baseball game.

I'm in a squatting position 

My imaginary hat is on backwards and I'm ready for whatever is thrown. Curve, fast ball, slider,  knuckle ball WHAT EVER I was ready.

I seen him start to crown.

I'm telling my wife she's ALMOST DONE 

ALMOST THERE 

KEEP GOING HONEY

She's quietly says "I know" 

Now is not the time for a philosophical discussion about I know you know I know you know.

Then it seems the very next thing is she squirted me.

I didn't know her water hadn't broken yet. 

I wasn't ready for it.

I flinched and made sure my mouth wasn't open.

I really didn't know there was that much water. I'm soaked. I look to make sure the hose was shut off and I see my son's little beautiful head.  A bomb could have went off and it wouldn't have shook my focus

I told Vivian his head is out!!!! 

She again says she knows.

Now I have my hands gentle cradling his head waiting for the rest of his body.

She gives another shove and out he comes. 

He's big

He's heavy 

He's super slick slimy and sloppy. 

I catch him and he's yelling his appearance at me in the most wonderful little voice.

I get him head up and try to lift him up to momma.  It's like trying to hold onto a carp.

Momma reaches down for him and I butt lift him up.

What a beautiful thing.

By far the greatest thing I've ever participated in.

Our son was where he belonged 

On my wife's chest

Things from here get a little fuzzy for me.

My focus point was over 

My next task is to introduce the family and friends

Vivian goes to the bed holding our brand new son.

I'll never ever forget it 

Women fall in love with their babies while they are still in the womb.

Mom's get to know their children's habits and traits way before Dad does.

But I fell in love with him as soon as I seen him 

I was the first to hold him this side of the womb.

I will never ever forget it.

The Birth Village

Early Friday morning, before the first rays of sunlight spilled through the windows, I lay awake in my bed, meditating and praying—surrendering my day—when that first primal, familiar rolling wave surged through my 40+5 week pregnant body.  I joyfully welcomed it and its coming strength along with the rising sun. 

I connected with my midwife (whom after 3 births together is affectionately called Grandma by my children).  Then, I let my village know the day had finally arrived.   

I purposed myself on the task at hand and minded labor and before long our home was intoxicated delightful sounds and smells in anticipation of new life.

The sounds of four excited children ready to welcome their newest sibling radiated through every wall of the home, sounds of village voices tending to those precious souls, sounds of kitchen toiling and home tending bubbled over like fountains of joy.

Aromas of soups and breads being meddled together from whatever provisions were found in the kitchen began to filter through the home and smells of herbs being prepared for life-giving healing excited my spirit.

Just before noon, a break from the bustling about, a warm cup of coffee, and a walk in the sunshine was shared over words of love and encouragement.

And when River arrived, a little after 2pm, we were ushered into bed, greeted with juice and fresh fruit.  Yard flowers in mason jars adorned tables and stands.  And the village voices began to bustle about once more—minding the end of my labor, starting laundry, and feeding my family. 

As the evening came they each returned to their own homes and families and my heart was full—full with love for new life, and full with thanks for the village. 

We Did Christmas Different This Year

We Did Christmas Different

As the 2013 Christmas season approached my heart began to break for the traditional way we celebrated it.  I deeply felt that it did not truly glorify our Christ Savior.  I dug deep, prayed hard, and even considered not celebrating traditional Christmas at all.  But every time I imagined the Glory of the Lord shining over the Shepherds, announcing Christ’s birth, my eyes filled with joyful tears and plead to celebrate His birth.

 

The Shepherds and the Angels

Luke 2:8-20

⁸ There were some shepherds in that part of the country who were spending the night in the fields, taking care of their flocks. ⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone over them. They were terribly afraid, ¹⁰ but the angel said to them, “Don't be afraid! I am here with good news for you, which will bring great joy to all the people.¹¹ This very day in David's town your Savior was born—Christ the Lord! ¹² And this is what will prove it to you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

¹³ Suddenly a great army of heaven's angels appeared with the angel, singing praises to God:

¹⁴ “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
    and peace on earth to those with whom he is pleased!”

¹⁵ When the angels went away from them back into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us.”

¹⁶ So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph and saw the baby lying in the manger. ¹⁷ When the shepherds saw him, they told them what the angel had said about the child. ¹⁸ All who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said. ¹⁹ Mary remembered all these things and thought deeply about them.²⁰ The shepherds went back, singing praises to God for all they had heard and seen; it had been just as the angel had told them.

Through prayers and The Word the idea of celebrating a more biblical perspective was born. 

Matthew 2:11

¹¹And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense, and myrrh.

 

Gold represents kingship.  Jesus is a King. (Value)

Frankincense represents Jesus as our high priest.  (Spiritual)

Myrrh represents the prefiguring of Jesus crucifixion—used for embalming.  (Need)

We chose to give each of our children three gifts representing: value, spiritual, and need. 

Carrie - 13 years old  

Loves music  

Has an eye for photography

* Spiritual gift - supplies to design and create a scrapbook to give away as a gift.

* Value - 1967 phonograph (in working order)

* Need - records 

Galatians 5:13

13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh[a]; rather, serve one another humbly in love.

Not very many 13 year olds have a record player that actually WORKS! 

Hannah - 12 years old

Loves the animal kingdom

Is a bookworm

* Spiritual gift - supply of donations for the local animal shelter (along with donation of her time)

* Value - a reading nook complete with a papasan chair she doesn't have to share

* Need - MORE BOOKS 

Romans 12:4-6 

4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying,then prophesy in accordance with your[a] faith;

 Enjoy your book nook! No more mama fussing at you to get off the couch that way.  It's all yours!

Hallie - 9 years old

A beautiful keeper of the home

Loves to get lost in imagination

* Spiritual gift - All the necessary supplies to host a tea party of her very own

* Value - antique vanity (that she can refinish anyway she'd like)

* Need - princess clothes

Psalms 139:14

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

You are a daughter of the King of Kings--a princess! 

Lane - 6 years old

A boy child, growing into a man

Loves to work

* Spiritual gift - A handmade by Dad workbench

* Value - Dragon Castle Form 

* Need - Tools

Ecclesiastes 9:10a

Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your strength

Never lose your imagination! 

Although deep down I knew that non-traditional way we were choosing to celebrate Christmas was in line with my convictions, I couldn't help but worry that the kids would feel a little let down.  But, I had nothing to worry about.  It was the best Christmas ever.  

May you all be richly blessed!  Merry Christmas

And He has on His robe and on His thigh a name written:

KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.

Revelation 19:16